Speaking Anxiety: The Conference Room Comment

One of my consulting firm clients came to me with a problem that surprised me.  Although they hire the most accomplished students from the most competitive colleges and B-schools, the firm is concerned about their unwillingness to speak up at meetings during their first two years.

I recognize that it’s human nature to sit back in a new setting to observe how people behave and learn how to calibrate your style to be most effective.  In fact, the film Tweleve Angry Men is a perfect example of this.  The character played by Henry Fonda is inconspicuous in the beginning, and only asks questions as he begins to participate in the deliberations of the jury on which he is serving.

I further recognize that when one is surrounded by bright, confident, assertive people, each one older and more experienced than the next, (some of whom are your bosses) it is only natural to be cautious in what you say.

Nevertheless, if you are being paid for your ability to think and communicate your thinking, you’re not doing your job if you remain silent throughout the meeting.  This client of mine told me that one of the senior executives at his client company asked, “Who was that guy you had at the meeting?  He never said anything?  Why was he there?”

This kind of overly-cautious behavior can slow down the development of good client relations because it can undermine the trust the client has placed in the consulting firm.

What can we do to help younger people feel comfortable enough to speak up in meetings with more senior colleagues, and with clients who have vastly more experience?

Here are a few ideas beyond telling the shy and the silent that if they don’t talk they’re in big trouble.

1. Become a better listener
2. Become a better questioner
3. Trust your mind.
4. Refrain from thinking while others are talking.  Just listen.  Thoughts will come.
5. Fear is misplaced attention.  Focus on what’s being said.
6. Don’t try to be the smartest person in the room.  State the obvious.
7. Dare to be dull.  Get out of the “Impressing” business.
8. Recognize that what seems obvious to you may be a revelation for others.
9. Agree and add.  You don’t have to find something to disagree with.
10. Ask questions if you don’t understand or you need clarification.
11. Enter the fray.  Get grass stains on your knees.  Have an experience.