Now, here are two $64,000 questions. First, can charisma be learned? And second, should it be learned, or is it just manipulation and phoniness?
To the first question, I say, yes! I believe charisma can be learned. Just as we learn good manners–to say please and thank you in order to make ourselves more appealing to others–we can learn to be more charismatic.
[ctt tweet=”Just as we learn good manners–to say please and thank you–we can learn to be more charismatic.” coverup=”pC3eq”]
To the second question, should you try to learn how to do some of these things, I say, absolutely yes! As long as you aren’t trying to harm or deceive anyone. What makes a person a manipulator is not her technique, but her purpose.
And by the way, you can acquire new behaviors if the reason you want them is important enough to you. Is it easy? No. But is it doable? You bet it is.
Social Touching
This does not mean Clintonesque feel-copping. It means appropriate social touching on the upper arm, shoulder, or hand. Waiters who are skilled at this make better tips.
You may remember that President George W. Bush shocked the Western World when he came up behind Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, who was seated in a chair, and rubbed her shoulders. She was horrified.
A light touch on the upper arm can signal warmth and friendliness, which may be comforting to the person you’re with.
Enjoy Being the Center of Attention
While many people are ambivalent about being the center of attention, some come to life and are at their best in the limelight.
In fact, many great actors are not particularly extroverted or good company, but stand them up in front of a crowd and their wattage burns brighter.
When the brilliant Philip Seymour Hoffman died recently, my wife said something interesting: When the camera was on, he seemed to be able to bring his nerves to the surface of his skin and pour his feelings into the lens of the camera. For him, that ability must have been a pleasurable experience–a discharge of his inner turbulence.
Expressive Face
Ronald Reagan was called the “Great Communicator” in part because of his expressive face. He could twinkle on cue, like all good Irishmen.
Our faces attract most of the eye contact given us by our listeners, and the more information they can read there, the more they pay attention and comprehend not only the ideas but the emotional meaning of our words as well.
It’s my experience that many people in a position of power have closed faces–poker faces–and use their facial inscrutability to intimidate. Closed faces are cold and hard to read, while open faces are warm and expressive, and warm beats cold nine times out of 10.
Those of us with long hair, male or female, should also be careful not to hide our foreheads with bangs. That forehead is valuable real estate–a billboard–for communicating a range of emotions.
Next…last 3 behaviors to help boost charisma