One morning many years ago, when my wife and I were living in Park Slope, Brooklyn, I got up late and was rushing to get to work on time, but I could not find my watch.
Sharon suggested the strap might have broken the night before when I was scraping the dinner dishes. I ran down five flights of stairs to rummage through the garbage, and while I was upside down in the stink and gunk, I heard a guy say aloud, “Look at that idiot with his head in the garbage.”
I lifted my head, “Why don’t you leave me alone and be quiet,” I said. He said, “Why don’t you make me?”
I looked at him, realized I was in over my head, made a gesture of dismissal, as if to say “You’re an idiot,” and stuck my head back in the garbage can. He grabbed me by the neck, shoved me against the front of the building, and put a knife against my throat.
It occurred to me I was getting mugged.
I am writing this many years after the fact, and it now occurs to me that I have been intellectually and emotionally mugged by an audience several times in my life, and for reasons that are similar to those in the Brooklyn incident.
What are the reasons?
- Not being in the zone of peak performance – I was in a rush, frustrated, and anxious because I’d lost my favorite watch and I was late to work. Not at my best.
- Shooting my mouth off – Getting annoyed and saying something I could not back up is not the best way to win hearts and minds.
- Not holding my ground – He challenged me and I showed weakness. I backed down—retreated. His street savvy knew in an instant he could dominate me.
According to police research, people get mugged the same ways that wildebeests get eaten by lions: they’re slower than the rest of the herd, and they appear to be weak or timid.
I told my mugger to get lost, he challenged me, and I showed that I was not willing to fight. I was easy prey.
As a speaker, I have made very similar mistakes. I have made some bold statement, been challenged by a member of the audience, and have hemmed and hawed, unable to back up my claim.
The mugging I got at the hands of my audience was silent, subtle, and cerebral, but believe me, it was a mugging.